Thursday, October 8, 2015

Quitter


From my run tonight... Anything BUT the yellow brick road

After my first semester of college, a good friend from school made the thousand mile trip south to stay with my family and watch ND play LSU in the Sugar Bowl. We had a great time traipsing around New Orleans, watching the Irish lose (badly), and unfortunately going through my childhood stuff. In those piles of cute kid pictures, not so cute pictures, and really awful I-should-have-been-disowned pictures there was one gem tucked away. A gem that I will never live down. You see a sacred paper was saved from a very momentous occasion- the eulogy I wrote for my pet turtle, Skittles', funeral. It started off bringing up the good times of Skittles life (the food she liked and her unfriendly attitude), but it took a turn for the worse. The final words scribbled on the paper were stage directions (of course, I've always been this way) and stated: fall down and cry. Yes, I choreographed the dramatic epilogue to my dead turtle's service.

Today was a fall down and cry kinda day.

Actually that isn't really true, tonight's run was a fall down and cry kinda day. Andrew and I hit the roads for a double digit run and all day I gave us a pep talk about how today was just about endurance miles, we could go slow, and convinced the two of us to chug water on a minute by minute basis. Well it is a good thing I logged that mileage going back and forth from the restroom because that 10 miler didn't go so hot.

OC Marathon in 2013

It started great. I was eyeing my Garmen like a hawk and kept the pace nice and slow. My body felt like the pace was dragging eternally and longed to go faster, but no- these were endurance miles. I wanted to feel confident after the run and have those 10 miles in my running bank. The temperature was just right, I had a great podcast to jam to, and I found my favorite running snack at the grocery store. Chock blocks in Orange for all of you that are wondering to go pick up dozens for your own failed running attempts. BECAUSE I'M REALLY GOOD AT RUNNING OF COURSE!

Then at 3.72 miles in, I panicked and stopped. It wasn't from hurting. It wasn't from distance. I just couldn't do it any longer. I literally quit for no real reason.

The last run (that I remember) that I quit was- no joke- in 2010. I mean I'm sure I've done it since then, but this doesn't normally happen. I've limped home, I've gone so slow it was negligent, and have run through too much pain, but never just stopped. I didn't even have a reason. I just couldn't and didn't. After a dozen or so endurance races, I don't know what happened to me, but my willpower was not traveling with me tonight.

You know what the worst part is? I was 3.72 miles away from home and had to walk back. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES A QUITTER LIKE ME TO WALK 3.72 MILES HOME AFTER ALREADY FEELING LIKE A LAME DUCK? A really long time. Andrew sweetly kept encouraging me to jog and it only took a couple tries for him to feel the burn of the temporary lasers lodged in my eyes. I even asked if we could Uber home at one point. Because I'm a quitter.

So I don't know what is off right now. I've looked at my nutrition, I feel good about sticking to my training cycle, and I'm spending a good time doing yoga to keep the body and mind feeling good. Still the whole training cycle seems a bit wonky and hasn't really sunk in. I'm not thinking that this will be the PR breaker like I hoped, but I do what it takes to get it done. So please send your encouragement, fresh legs, and pet turtle eulogies my way. I've also picked my next (not one, but) two races... more on that later!

Until then,
S

6 comments:

  1. It happens to everyone. Maybe you just had an off day~you are not a QUITTER. I mean look on the bright side you got to eat your Chock blocks in orange!!!! Just try again. One bad run is better than no run!!! Have a great day
    bakingrunner.blogspot.com

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  2. Um, nope, not a quitter. I'll tell you what's helped me this week - running without a plan. I was so focused on the # of miles I needed to get in that I didn't want to run. Last 2 days? I've just been getting up and going out and running to explore rather than for distance. It's made me like running again :)

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  3. everyone has an off day. if you've been running/doing this for a while, maybe you're burning out. i think that's where i might be with muay thai; doing this 6days a week for the past year is starting to take it's toll physically...i've been nursing this arm pain for a long time and all this week i haven't had the excitement to go to class which is really weird for me because i seriously love muay thai.

    maybe you just need a break? like take a week off if you can and then regroup next week?

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  4. i am such a quitter sometimes. not proud of it, but there it is. sometimes i need to take a day or two or a week off, sometimes i need to run without my garmin and my music, sometimes i have to listen to my mind rather than my body.. sometimes we have an off day. sending all my encouragement your way! poor Skittles though.

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  5. You're definitely not a quitter. Everyone had a rough day or even rough weeks. But you're not a quitter. Maybe you just need to take a couple days off and have some personal love time before trying again!

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  6. Awww... I'm sorry, girl. :( Pick yourself up and dust yourself off... I give you credit for even doing this in the first place - there are plenty of people (myself included!) who don't!

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